A very dear friend passed away recently. While our acquaintance was brief, but our friendship was deep. He taught me some valuable lessons when he lived, and some even more important ones in his passing. He was the prodding force behind this blog and so the long hiatus. I can’t help think about how intricately our lives were linked. He was one of the most talented, warm, heart over head individuals I knew. He was a true friend. The kind of guy you would meet once, and never forget. And he would not forget you for sure.
He always saw the best in everyone. He would praise you to someone else to a level that made you blush. But he wasn’t adding anything, he genuinely saw that in you, and believed in you. This blog emerged mostly from his prodding. He kept pushing me to document my thoughts and just write. He had grander plans for me than I could ever imagine.
Yet since the day of his funeral, a word that came to mind over and over was “Incomplete”. I dismissed it as trying to reconcile with his sudden passing. Of how all things were left in the middle. Like our plans, things we wanted to do, places we spoke about, actions we planned but never executed. But the word refused to let go of me.
I could not quite figure out why that word. I like to think of myself as a work in progress, and so almost by definition, incomplete. But that wasn’t it. That is nothing to be afraid about or think about. This was something more.
Only recently did I uncover what it meant.
Incomplete is my fear. A fear of not being able to give my best. A fear of falling short. A fear of failing. Incomplete reminds me of my friend, and of his passing. Of the permanence of death. It reminds me that all this could come to a screeching halt at any moment, without warning. So there is only incomplete to fear, incomplete effort. That’s what this incomplete meant.
With understanding comes choice. Now that I know what it has meant all these months, I am free to choose what it will mean to me going forward. And my choice is simple, to change “Incomplete” to “In complete”. My actions will not reflect incomplete effort, but rather will be reflected in my complete effort.
Incomplete is my word. It reminds me of things to start tomorrow and finish today. Incomplete reminds me nothing is really permanent except the end. Incomplete is my prodding. It is my promise that I won’t let today end where it started.
In the words of MJ, “I will not end where I started, I will not finish where I began. I have something more important than courage, I have patience. I will become what I know I am”.